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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28573722">A Walk in the Park</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_but_gremlin/pseuds/soft_but_gremlin'>soft_but_gremlin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rael Averross Hours (oneshots) [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Master and Apprentice - Claudia Gray</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Grief/Mourning, Jedi as Found Family (Star Wars), No Beta We Die Like Clones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:33:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28573722</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_but_gremlin/pseuds/soft_but_gremlin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rael is no good at dealing with grief.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Qui-Gon Jinn &amp; Obi-Wan Kenobi, Rael Averross &amp; Dooku, Rael Averross &amp; Nim Pianna, Rael Averross &amp; Obi-Wan Kenobi, Rael Averross &amp; Qui-Gon Jinn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rael Averross Hours (oneshots) [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Walk in the Park</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been months now, since he’d taken a mission. Since Nim had died.</p>
<p>
  <strike> Since he had killed her. </strike>
</p>
<p>Rael had barely left his quarters. Hell, he barely left his room. Every time he moved beyond his bedroom walls, all he could see was space where Nim <em> wasn’t </em> . She wasn’t in the kitchen, talking about her classmates through mouthfuls of the horrible chocolate-flavored cereal balls she loved ( <strike> the ones he’d always made sure to stock up on because it made her so happy </strike> ). She wasn’t folding little flimsi stars on the couch, or hiding them all over the apartment to see if he noticed them ( <strike> he was <em> still </em> finding them. He’d found one two days ago behind one of Qui-Gon’s plants and sat on the floor sobbing over it for two hours. It wasn’t even one of the <em> decorated </em> ones </strike> ). She wasn’t in her room, cursing as she tried to understand the math behind her spaceflight trajectory problems <strike>(</strike> <strike> he’d taught her those words. It infuriated other masters </strike>).</p>
<p>(He hadn’t touched her room)</p>
<p>(He didn’t think he could bear it)</p>
<p>There was a knock at the front door. Rael ignored it. It was probably someone sent by the Council, coming to make him relive the worst decision of his life yet again, or some busybody Knight coming to ask him not to stink up their meditation by being a sour bastard in the vicinity of whatever half-hidden room they’d picked nearby. If he ignored them long enough, they’d leave.</p>
<p>He heard a keycode being typed in, and the door open. Or <em> not </em>.</p>
<p>He heard quiet steps across the apartment, and then his bedroom door slid open to reveal his Master, frowning down at him.</p>
<p>Rael glowered at him.</p>
<p>“Get up,” Dooku said. “We have somewhere to be.”</p>
<p>“Kark you,” Rael said, which was not very kind, and he hadn’t been this unprovokedly rude to his master since he was <em> sixteen </em> , but Master Dooku had just sauntered in here and expected him to <em> go with him </em> out of the black and it had just snapped his temper completely in a mere two sentences.</p>
<p>Dooku just raised an eyebrow at him, and it took all of Rael’s willpower not to start a fight with his Master right then and there.</p>
<p>Instead, he rolled over in bed and pulled the blanket higher, pointedly ignoring his master.</p>
<p>The curtains of his bedroom window suddenly yanked themselves open, and Rael winced as his room was suddenly flooded with light.</p>
<p>“If you wish to act like a sullen teenager, I’m perfectly willing to treat you as such,” Dooku said, deceptively mildly. “Get up before I roll you out of bed myself.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t an idle threat. Rael had been a hellishly stubborn teenager, and Master Dooku had more than once yanked the far side of his mattress up with the Force and dumped Rael on the floor.</p>
<p>When he was twelve, he’d been more than willing to force Master Dooku to physically drag him through his entire morning routine to protest being forced to get out of bed.</p>
<p>Now, that would just be embarrassing for the both of them.</p>
<p>Rael dragged himself to his feet and crossed his arms. “Council finally resort to sending <em> you </em> to come fetch me?”</p>
<p>Dooku scoffed as he threw a clean set of clothes at Rael, who almost didn’t catch them. “I didn’t come here for the whims of the <em> Council </em>,” he sneered. “Take a shower and get dressed.”</p>
<p>Rael almost rebelled out of pure spite.</p>
<p>“<em> Now </em>, Rael.”</p>
<p>With a scowl, Rael stormed out of his room and to the fresher. He debated on whether to go with a sonic or a water shower for a moment, and then picked water, because if his master was going to be a bastard about this then so was he. </p>
<p>He spent probably thirty or forty minutes in the shower, mostly zoned out in a non-meditative way, but also spitefully taking the time to really ensure that he was clean. As he worked some 3-n-1 shampoo through his hair and beard, he realized that parts of his hair had become hopelessly matted, and he was going to have to cut it.</p>
<p>Later. That was a problem for later.</p>
<p>He finally dragged himself out the shower and got dressed. The clothes his master had given him were street clothes—a plain undertunic, some sturdy black pants, and a brown leather jacket that Qui-Gon had given him at some point that he never wore because it was too big.</p>
<p>Now, though, it fit much better, and Rael realized that he’d gained weight over the last several months. Huh. He hadn’t noticed.</p>
<p>The clothes weren’t nearly as ratty as they would have been if Rael had picked them out, but most of them were well-broken-in, so his master had put a <em> little </em> consideration for Rael into his selection process. Still, he scowled at the mirror. He didn’t look like <em> him </em>.</p>
<p>He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, and felt a lump in the right one. He pulled out whatever it was, and discovered an ugly, misshapen, orange knit cap. It took a moment before he recognized it. This was one of Feemor’s first knitting projects. The boy had avidly taken the craft up at thirteen, and for four months had gifted everyone with his enthusiastic-but-ugly hats before Rael had introduced him to lockpicking, which Feemor had found to be a much more exciting project, and then it had been astronavigation, and then Jedi prophecies, and then astronavigation again, and then yarn-spinning, and then a hundred other odd little focuses throughout his padawancy.</p>
<p>Rael put the bright hat on, and that was <em> much </em> better. He almost seemed like a person now. He shoved his matted hair under the cap to deal with later, and after a deep breath, he left the fresher to deal with whatever his master was dragging him into today.</p>
<p>When he saw the rest of the apartment, he blinked a few times in confusion. The window in the kitchenette had been opened, and a light breeze blew through the living room. Rael couldn’t exactly say it was <em> fresh </em> air, this was, after all, <em> Coruscant </em>, but it seemed to be blowing away something stale in the apartment. The clothes sonic was currently running, all of the teacups that had been standing guard on Rael’s bedside table and coffee table had been washed and set in the drying rack, someone had let a mousedroid in and it was currently working on cleaning the floors, and Master Dooku was currently watering Rael’s plants (well, most of them were Qui-Gon’s, and Rael was supposed to be taking care of them while Qui-Gon was out of the Temple, but they were in Rael’s rooms and Qui-Gon hadn’t been back in the Temple for several years now anyway).</p>
<p>The door to Nim’s room had remained untouched, and Rael felt strangely thankful for that.</p>
<p>“What <em> are </em> you doing?” Rael asked, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>“Waiting for you,” Dooku said. “And keeping Qui-Gon’s plants alive, because he’s going to be insufferable if you kill them.”</p>
<p>That...was fair enough. Rael could still remember the first time he’d killed one of Qui-Gon’s plants. It hadn’t been from neglect, but rather clumsiness—he’d accidentally knocked it off a table, and the fragile plant had not only snapped in half, but it had promptly died from shock. Qui-Gon had burst into tears over it—the first time Rael had ever seen any sort of dramatic emotion from him—and then had been inconsolable for two days. </p>
<p>Since then, Rael had become <em> much </em> better at taking care of plants.</p>
<p>“What’s the mission?” Rael asked.</p>
<p>“You’ll find out soon enough.”</p>
<p>Rael scowled at that, but grabbed his lightsaber and stuffed it into an interior pocket.</p>
<p>Once Dooku had finished taking care of the plants, he picked up a fairly large metal container and led Rael out of his quarters. They wandered through hallways until they reached the main entrance, and then they left the Temple. Dooku hailed a cab and gave the driver a set of coordinates.</p>
<p>Rael was being mulishly silent. Anger had always been one of his worst flaws, and years spent as Dooku’s padawan had perfected his ability to hold a grudge. Dooku indulged him for now, not bothering him with idle conversation. The cabbie kept up a stream of chatter, which Dooku managed to keep directed away from Rael. Later, Rael would be grateful for it. His master hated small talk with strangers. Usually it was Rael handling these sorts of things.</p>
<p>The cab stopped at a large park about twenty minutes away from the Temple. It took a minute, but Rael recognized the place. Dooku had taken him here a few times as a kid, usually on days where he would have gotten into a fight if Dooku hadn’t removed him from the Temple.</p>
<p>Rael was starting to get suspicious.</p>
<p>“What are we doing here?” Rael hissed.</p>
<p>“Just pay attention to your surroundings,” Dooku said, “and act like you’re here to enjoy yourself.”</p>
<p>Cryptic kriffing bastard.</p>
<p>Still, Rael did as requested. If Dooku wanted him to do this, it was probably because he was aware of something wrong, but he wanted independent confirmation.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath, and released his anger. They were supposed to be “enjoying themselves.” He could go back to being mad when he wasn’t on a mission.</p>
<p>He took another deep breath, to center himself. He let himself feel the warm sunlight on his hat and shoulders, took in some of the freshest air Coruscant had to offer—natural spaces weren’t exactly prominent, after all. He listened to the relative quietness: children playing in the distance, small animals on leashes making noise as they interacted with each other, a gentle breeze shaking tree leaves, and the background hum of traffic that was present everywhere on Coruscant.</p>
<p>When he opened his eyes, he felt like he was in a headspace where he could focus on the task at hand. Dooku gave him a gentle, questioning look. Rael responded with something that could almost be considered a smile.</p>
<p>He paid attention to his surroundings, staying just casual enough not to look suspicious. It was a nice day, but it was the middle of the week, and the middle of the day, and there weren’t an excessive number of people in the park. There was a twi’lek father with his three kids, flying a tiny kite slightly above tree level. He smirked a bit at the innocent rule-breaking. It wasn’t high enough to be a problem for traffic above, as long as everyone in the speeder lanes <em> stayed </em>in their lane and didn’t buzz the park. There were two undercovers sitting on benches across from each other. Not cops—and not Coruscanti. If he had to guess, he’d say they were information officers for some planets’ senators, probably exchanging something blackmailish to get some stupid law passed to line pockets a little heavier and burden the poor a little more—</p>
<p>He smiled politely as one of them made eye contact. Right. He was supposed to be <em> enjoying </em> himself.</p>
<p>He followed his master to a large tree, and helped Master Dooku sit down on the grass. “Don’t ever get old,” Master Dooku said. “It’s terrible on the knees.”</p>
<p>“Aw, you’re not old, Master,” Rael said, sitting down himself. “You just have a terrible habit of mouthing off to people who already wanted to kick the shit out of you.”</p>
<p>Master Dooku gave him an incredibly dry look at that, and Rael innocently raised an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>“I’m certain I raised you to be more diplomatic,” Master Dooku said, pulling the metal container towards himself.</p>
<p>“I’m not certain you raised me at all,” Rael sniffed. “Managed, perhaps. Contained, maybe.”</p>
<p>“If you think I managed to contain you even a little, you have a far greater impression of my skills than I do,” Dooku said.</p>
<p>Rael snorted, and then broke out into giggles. After a moment, Dooku joined in as well, chuckling softly. Rael couldn’t even say that it was that funny, but <em> Force </em> , it felt so good to <em> laugh </em>. Every time he thought he might calm down, he made eye contact with his master, and promptly dissolved into giggles again.</p>
<p>He laughed until his eyes got teary, and then he laughed until his chuckles turned into half-aborted sobs. He didn’t understand <em> why </em> he was crying, didn’t even feel particularly sad at the moment. “S-sorry,” he mumbled. Here they were, sitting in a beautiful park on a beautiful day, and he was crying in the open and bringing down everyone’s mood.</p>
<p>Master Dooku pulled Rael into his arms, the way he’d done back when Rael had been a pipsqueak brat who got overwhelmed and upset about not understanding homework. Rael clung to him, burying his face in his master’s chest. Master Dooku didn’t try to comfort him, didn’t say anything like “it’s okay,” didn’t hush him. How could he have? It <em> wasn’t </em> okay. It would <em> never </em>be okay again.</p>
<p>But he did hold tightly to Rael. He did wrap his presence around Rael, not in a particularly comforting way, but in an <em> I’m here </em> sort of way. He did rest his chin on Rael’s head, and gently rub circles into his back, and he <em> didn’t judge </em>. All the Jedi in the Temple, and it was Master Kriffing Dooku, judgiest asshole in the Temple, who was letting him grieve without judgment.</p>
<p>And it helped.</p>
<p>It helped.</p>
<p>Rael didn’t know how long they sat there, but Master Dooku didn’t push. Eventually, Rael ran out of sobs, and of tears, and he was left with nothing. But...it was a better nothing, somehow, than what he’d had before.</p>
<p>Mostly it was exhaustion. Real exhaustion, not depression exhaustion.</p>
<p>“Eat first,” Dooku said.</p>
<p>“Hmm?” Rael croaked.</p>
<p>“Eat something first, and then you can nap in the grass,” Dooku said dryly, pulling a few cloth-wrapped sandwiches from the metal container.</p>
<p>Rael took one of them, and then was immediately handed a juice box as well. He raised an eyebrow at his master, who merely raised an eyebrow right back at him.</p>
<p>He unwrapped the sandwich and bit into it. It was his favorite, chee nut butter and jogan slices. The juice box was from the refectory, but it was the purple box—which again, had always been Rael’s favorite.</p>
<p>Asshole. Rael almost felt like he might start crying again. Instead, he focused on the meal, refusing to let any thoughts take precedence.</p>
<p>Once they’d eaten, Rael stretched back on the grass, and watched traffic go by above them. Automatically, he fell into a game that he and Qui-Gon used to play, trying to spot one kind of speeder in every color of the rainbow. Usually they went with Zoops, which were fairly common on Coruscant. Or Jobens, though those weren’t as popular this high up.</p>
<p>With the warm sun on his face and exhaustion sinking into his bones, it wasn’t long before Rael fell asleep in the grass.</p>
<p>He had a blissfully dreamless nap, and when he woke up, Master Dooku was reading ancient Alderaanian poetry aloud next to him. The sun was no longer directly overhead, and the park was now in the shadows of nearby skyscrapers.</p>
<p>Rael still felt drained, and empty, but the shadows of grief no longer seemed to cling so tightly around him. It was...nice, maybe. Different. It was almost like he could feel things besides anger again, at least for a moment.</p>
<p>He sighed, and Master Dooku paused in his reading.</p>
<p>“Are you ready to go home?” Dooku asked.</p>
<p>Rael thought of his apartment, and the cold silence inside, and shook his head. “Not—not yet,” he said.</p>
<p>Master Dooku gave a simple nod at that, and returned to reading. Ancient Alderaanian wasn’t Rael’s strong suit—it was a language only Qui-Gon could love—but he recognized this one. It was a legend about a Jedi Knight, never named, who was the most selfless Knight there ever was. The poem ended with the Knight giving so selflessly that she gave her physical form to the Force, joining it in both body and spirit so that she could continue to give her wisdom to Jedi that would come after her.</p>
<p>Rael thought the ending was a bunch of creative nerfshit, like the holodramas of today that made up Jedi powers as the plot demands, but he thought it might be nice, if it had any truth to it. The idea that a beloved Jedi might retain some sort of identity and consciousness after death, that their lineage members might be able to speak with them…</p>
<p>Well, it was no good to dwell on dreams.</p>
<p>Eventually they made it back to the Temple. Rael stopped at his apartment, and...stopped.</p>
<p>He couldn’t do it.</p>
<p>He couldn’t go back to the cold silence of Nim’s absence.</p>
<p>He heard a sigh behind him, and then Master Dooku put a hand on his shoulder. “Come with me,” he said. “I’ll put on a kettle.”</p>
<p>Rael nodded.</p>
<p>He’d have to come to grips with the silence in his life. But not…</p>
<p>Not tonight.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>It had been five weeks since Qui-Gon’s death.</p>
<p>It had been a full month before Rael had even thought about reaching out to the other members of his lineage who’d be affected by Qui-Gon’s death.</p>
<p>It hadn’t even been his idea. Windu had asked him to keep half an eye out for Obi-Wan. Help him through the struggle. Rael had experience with grief, and missions going wrong. And he was lineage. Obi-Wan might be more willing to hear from someone with his perspective.</p>
<p>Rael was shit at comfort, and shit at grief. But he’d give it a shot, for Obi-Wan.</p>
<p>He didn’t bother knocking. He doubted Obi-Wan would appreciate a visitor right now. The boy was under so much pressure, a fresh Knight with fresh grief, an unconventional Trial, and a padawan he threatened the Council over. Obi-Wan was on thin ice, and he no doubt knew it.</p>
<p>Rael typed in the code to Qui-Gon’s quarters. It was the same code it had been since the day he’d moved in. It was Plo’s birthday.</p>
<p>He wondered if Obi-Wan knew that.</p>
<p>“Kriff off, Quin,” Obi-Wan called out as the door slid open.</p>
<p>Rael stepped into the apartment and let the door shut behind him. “Ya know, I’ve been called a <em> lot </em>of things in my time, but—”</p>
<p>“Master Averross!” Obi-Wan said, absolute panic in his voice, startling out of his room. “I’m so sorry, I—I just—”</p>
<p>He looked awful. His hair stuck up every which way, and he looked like he hadn’t shaved in several days. His eyes were red around the edges and there were dark bags underneath them. There was a skittishness to him that hadn’t been there last time Rael saw him.</p>
<p>“Relax, kid,” Rael said, gently gripping Obi-Wan’s forearms. He’d learned over time that Obi-Wan didn’t enjoy hugs very much, but this, or an arm around the shoulders was usually alright. “I’m no Council member, I’m not here to bite your head off.”</p>
<p>“Why <em> are </em> you here?” Obi-Wan asked, and then flinched as he realized how rude it had sounded.</p>
<p>Rael looked at the apartment. Qui-Gon’s door was firmly shut, and there were blankets on the couch like someone had been sleeping there. There were at least four non-empty cups of cold tea scattered about. Half of Qui-Gon’s plants were wilting from neglect. Obi-Wan’s presence in the Force felt like it was held together with flimsitape and desperation.</p>
<p>Rael wasn’t good at dealing with grief nerfshit. But he’d try, for Obi-Wan’s sake.</p>
<p>“There’s somewhere we need to go,” he said. </p>
<p>“Anakin gets out of class at four,” Obi-Wan said.</p>
<p>“We’ll be back before then,” Rael promised. “Go put on some street clothes, and we’ll be on our way.”</p>
<p>As he waited for Obi-Wan to get dressed, he watered the plants, and dumped out the teacups. He didn’t know how to help Obi-Wan through his grief, but this? This he could do. </p>
<p>He opened a window to let some fresh air in, and swept the floor. Obi-Wan came out as he was doing the last bit, and asked, baffled, “Are you <em> cleaning </em> my apartment?”</p>
<p>“Just keeping my hands busy,” Rael said. “If you’re ready, let’s go.”</p>
<p>“Where are we going?” Obi-Wan asked. </p>
<p>“You’ll see,” Rael said, picking up the lunchbox he’d brought.</p>
<p>Rael was shit at comfort, and shit at grief. But he’d give it a shot, for Obi-Wan.</p>
<p>
  <strike> He refused to fail another kid. </strike>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote most of this during various 2ams when I was Going Through It so it's a little different than most of my writing lmao. Hope y'all enjoy it anyway!</p>
<p>Also I've put all of my Rael oneshots into a series now! So if you enjoy Rael, you can now see all the Rael stories I have in one organized location :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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